Doing the Do
We all have stories about our lives and those around us. Stories are an inseparable feature of human life, a common denominator everyone shares. But what happens when these stories, particularly the ones about ourselves, trap and confine us? When they are internalized to the point of constriction? Too often, forward progress ceases. Things grind to a halt, setting the stage for regression.
But what are stories? They can’t be touched, held, or felt in a physical sense like steel or concrete. They’re intangibles: ideas, concepts, beliefs, interpretations, all sorts of things that none of us can see or taste. And yet, stories can move mountains and build or crush civilizations by inducing mankind to act. To do something…
Or not.
Doing or not doing can lead to complications. For the most part, I focus on the “or not” part. More to the point, to get beyond the constraints of “the story” when it comes to reentry. Because, as a practical matter, very little good gets done without action and movement. For any accomplishment, there’s an early-on tipping point when noodling stops, and forward progress happens, where the “or not” is abandoned and work begins even if everything isn’t entirely correct or fixed.
Yet, getting beyond stories that have people stuck can be a tall order because stories (particularly the ones we tell ourselves about ourselves) can be formidable. I not only believe in story power, but I am also leary and fearful of what it can do. This is why justice-impacted and otherwise background-challenged individuals first must address and take seriously the most significant and limiting form of story connected to what led to the need for re-entry. The big, gnarly “how it all came to this” narrative, which I refer to as Personal Job One. All forward movement starts here. For some lucky folks, their Personal Job One and associated story are merely pit stops along the way, but for many, it means a full maintenance check and follow-on service work. Regardless, this step is mandatory for all reentering. Full stop.
Yet, as impactful as these stories can be, our society and the Marketplace have different concerns, and the needs of the individual aren’t part of the (economic) equation. Instead, there’s a ticking clock with loads of expectations where external progress (actual or not) gets the bulk of the attention with little or no consideration for internal personal development. This forces people to “get on with it,” regardless of everything being in order.
Here’s the good news: doing and working strategically and progressively toward a goal is a self-help form of therapy. But don’t get me wrong, “doing” doesn’t replace professional forms of help. Not in the slightest. And in the best of all situations, both would happen and contribute to a successful reentry outcome. However, here’s the less-than-good news: quite often, formal counseling or therapy isn’t available, and pushing forward is the only option.
Here’s the secret: If our story says we’re THIS, yet we see ourselves doing THAT, over and over, step by step, small win after small win, our story begins to change. We experience progress despite what our internal narrative says, so our script requires editing. This is done in a deliberate, mindful manner. There’s an Objective and a Plan that we work on in the present—the now, with minimal interference from what happened in the past and or might take place in the future.
Internalized stories are hard to change, as any therapist can attest. And yet, when someone commits to a plan and follows through diligently, these stories, which thrive in dark and hidden places, can be forced out into the bright light of day where they wither and break, losing their power to hinder and hold back.
Acting to a new and different script produces two positive outcomes for the reentering person.
They achieve their Objective.
They loosen the grip of their story.
By doing so, they permit themselves to change, show themselves that their (old) story no longer fits, and experience the essential truth of the age-old adage that the journey is its own reward.
When story power goes up against doing power, story goes down every time.
Onward!